Give your self what you want from others first…

When you meet people, it gets so easy to immediately fall in to giving them yourself, servicing them and expect the same from them. I am using the term serving loosely in this case I am referring to instinctively performing duties or servicing another person, simple things like love, making time, offer help, offer advise the list is endless. This can be any type of a relationship.

It gets worse, when we talking a sexual relationship it doesn’t matter whether its a new relationship or marriage. I am going to generalise…, women tend to be the victims of giving themselves first to their partners,  by living for others more than for self…. as much as this is not a bad thing, but when it gets to a point where this becomes a problem where, you forget about yourself and do not matter much more than others and you give everyone else everything and not your self. The twist….

give-yourself-qhat-you-wish

…..we give other so much that we end up not existing as individuals first but exist for others and the lines get blurred as you never know what to do for yourself, I am not talking basics things like bathing, getting dressed, feed yourself etc lol… but more loving yourself,  affording your self everything else, pamper, dine, afford your lifestyle designed by self and given, maintenance etc … Women do so much for others, and the personal struggle becomes more an issue when there is no one to do anything for, Or when the wish of being taken care of by others is foreign and non can do it quite like you. 

When I discovered self without others, I found a different voice within me and started loving myself more and became more mindful of self and then take care of others without neglecting myself. That was empowering, I have become even better for others, I am for them without expectations  and they cannot fail me because they can only do themselves be themselves for me. The understanding of others became much better and the appreciation of people for being themselves because I can easily be myself….with ease is bliss!

Give everything to yourself first…it’s not selfish!

PhumzileDlaminiPhat.

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The dance..

Matters of heart can never be easy. I thought, as am enjoying the writing and sharing my thoughts structured or not. 
This is what came to mind is that the relationship is like a dance between two people, with their own part, more the Wallz, Quick step the Latin American etc..where it’s just the two people in it, not so much the group or solo routines.

Let’s look at dance where partners have to be in it together, both committing , practice together or sometimes as individuals just to perfect their routine,they have individual responsibility to either lead, follow or just dance together…..not forgeting the need to perfect the art and be better every single time, for everything  they committed to, professional, building a name, for fun,  competition if need be or anything that the dance partners decides on.

Hands holding tight as the symbol of togetherness joined in supporting each other. No letting go of the hands holding in the dance as a key factor in the dance. Even if there is stumbling and falling there is comfort in the holding hands, however way. The 100% chance of stepping on each others toes, while learning and starting the 1st steps to the dance routine. 

The unspoken rule for cautious behavior and awareness of the other just in front you, looking at how you doin in the dance, how you learn how you deal with yourself and how you deal with the “partner in dance” the mistakes, the endurance what you do well and better. The dance the passion, the love, the constant practice and new routines over and over again, different music and tune…

In all this dance, teaching each other, the  dance as we know it, as we want the partner to know the dance and dancing, individualy, through us as teachers of what we know, through others the experts, other dancers before us who have been there done that,other dancers learning from us and aspire to what they see or know.

Then time comes where the dance becomes a routine nothing more but just what it is , no effort to be better,no need for learning new routines?  no discovering of new things yet the dance remains in motions or even going back to what got the partners together in the dance.

When do we want to stop dancing with somebody, when do we stop feeling the heat to be with somebody who loves you. # cheesy I know…Whitney’s lyrics are better than mine.

Whats in the dance…?Please share your thoughts.

Life as I know it.

I took time out the 2 days and allowed my self to rest, the thoughts in my head just occupied the space so much that, I started reading and the more I read, the more the edge of writing troubled me. 

The best about all this is that, I understood this saying better than ever.

“I always thought I don’t speak well, I don’t know how to get my point across. Blamed everything else and made all the excuses in the world just to feed my fear of thinking I am not good enough”

Guess what now I know I don’t have to be good enough or anything but just be….a being.

Living the love… 

All my life, I have been surrounded by love that I think I have created. My first attempt in putting down my thoughts after conversation with a friend I always share my deepest thoughts and views. 

My reality is my life the in between is my struggle. I am a sucker for love, for human interaction that so much more that, I fall in love with almost everyone I meet and connect with. In my journey of life I have so many people 41 years later, I am intrigued by love and my relationship with generally, sexually and otherwise. 

Feels good to just write…

Next.. I will explore structure my thoughts. Write with a purpose but now will just enjoy what is happening here. Whatever it is, let’s see where it takes me and us.