Listening with the intention to hear…!

Have you ever had someone say to you, “I just feel like you’re not listening to me when I talk”? Quality conversation requires active listening. If we are not actively listening to others, our responses will make it clear to them that we didn’t fully engage what they were saying. This can be frustrating and often discourages them from opening up in the future.

If you value others and want to listen more effectively when they speak, here are a few suggestions:

  • Maintain eye contact. This keeps your mind from wandering and communicates to others that they have your full attention.
  • Drop other activities while the other person is talking.Although it’s possible to watch TV or check your phone while listening to another, the message they receive when your attention is diverted is, “I’m not very important to you.”
  • Listen for feelings and reflect what you hear. By repeating back what you think you are hearing, you tell others you are listening. Plus, this gives them the opportunity to clarify their feelings or desires.
  • Observe body language.Clenched fists, trembling hands, or tears can help you gauge the strength of feeling behind the other person’s words. The stronger the feeling, the more important your undivided attention becomes.

When you find yourself in conversations today, notice how you listen to others. If you find you are not listing as actively as you could, try some of these steps, and watch to see if your conversations become more life-giving to others


“From the author of the 5 languages of love” 

Just Be….

When you get to the point where you know your happiness lies even in the madness that is going in and around you. Love and light are nothing you get outside of you but inside you.

There is a time when you get to the point where you make decisions for yourself, even if the decisions you make go against what you believe in or values you grew up with. Make new ones your own, question those you that you feel like they are not working for you anymore. The greatest thing to appreciate about life is that we learn every day and we discover ourselves as we go. There is a freedom in inventing yourself.

All you are and do is who you are inside out. What you decide to do without second guessing yourself, without checking in with your best friend, mom, dad or whoever is your sounding board, then you know you doing whats right for you, gods voice inside you is always there guiding you. It is quite and beauty about it is that it trusts you to just listen to it.

You live, you love, you give yourself to family, children, partner, friends, work etc. When all that you give yourself to never seem to be noticed, enough or even exist. When you start wondering what you do for who, why and how and expecting a reaction or some sort of reciprocity,  know that you have lost the sense of self and purpose. Nothing is about others more than for yourself.

It’s not what you take when you leave this world behind you. It’s what you leave behind you when you go.

Start again, check in with yourself, who you are and what you do daily for you and not anyone else, do whatever feels right and do it better than you think you can. Find that something gets you to go on for yourself and not for anyone else.

Always tell and share your truth, as that is your authentic life.

There is nothing more wonderful than being proud of yourself.

Rejoicing in who you are and being the content of your character gives the heart a sense of peace that no otherworldly treasure could give.

Bask in the warm glow of these wonderful statements that revel in the joy of being true to yourself.

Being true to yourself means those who mind you do not matter, and those who matter do not mind you.

An imperfect, mad, and ridiculous personality is much better than being absolutely boring.

You should not take others’ personality; you already have your own.

No matter how mad your personality seems, just follow your own moonlight.

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My Gratitude series: part two

  1. My Precious human life
  2. Support from my closest family and friends that I talk to on a daily basis
  3. The professional support in my career and individuals who constantly see beyond better and best
  4. The father of my kids
  5.  My daughters Thando and Mbali who are my number fans, who celebrate me at my worst and best


Trust … When I trust you, you might trust me!

Everything in life is about relationships and therefore when we get the basics right in the relationship environment, we are able to duplicate and scale that into our leadership roles.


4413594329_6b06b9133d_oWhen we look at leadership across the world and start to analyse what is happening, invariably we will conclude that there is a ‘trust deficit’. This simply means there is a complete lack of trust between the so-called leaders and the so-called followers. I use the word ‘so-called’ because of the presumptuous environment that most of these leaders find themselves in. The presumption is normally that whoever is at the top of the hierarchy is the leader, and the rest are presumed to be followers.

The idea of the leader being at the top is not what makes the situation bad. What actually makes this situation bad, resulting in an absolute lack of trust, is that the leader has assumed a role of dictator as opposed to being a servant of the people. We are only really able to understand what the role of a leader is when we understand it…

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Bearing it all or NOT?


The day that I got asked to participate in a book about love and sex, my first reaction was excitement. I started writing not so long ago and it’s something that I really enjoy and passionate about.  This opportunity came at a right time for me to practice further, to tell my stories and my thoughts the best way I know how.

When the South African young writer, who wrote an erotic novel, traveled overseas to educate herself about the benefits of sexual liberation asks you if you would be keen to participate in her next book, after the excitement my quick response was yes yes yes before even getting the full details.

I waited for information in anticipation and the moment I received the questions I was like whoa. Let me let you in what I was asked to write about for this coffee table book

Questions and sub-questions as guidelines.

  1. Do you remember your first time? was it planned and romantic? was it for love/pressure from the guy or because your body wanted it? would you have waited or done it anyway?
  2. Tell me about the best sex you’ve had? was it emotional or physical? what makes it the best?
  3. Do you enjoy sex? will you have it out of relationships? is it a duty you feel obligated to for the sake of the relationship? Or a pleasure you enjoy and are entitled to?
  4. What is your connection between sex and love? is the act an extension of your emotions? have you or do you give sex in the hopes that love will grow? Or do you wait for love before having sex

Need I say more! The questions got me thinking but I followed my heart and my interest in writing and participating.

Big question do I bear it all or NOT??


Do I want to remember my first time, just as I started writing emotions came rushing in as if opened a grave that I even forgot that it existed,  the more I continued other people came to mind, I wondered if I tell my story is my story alone or theirs too?  To answer that I had to reach out to some people who knew me more than myself and they were the intimate part of my life sexually and otherwise.

This exercise opened up the sexual liberation that I never owned as my own but just as my love, life and sex and nothing more. Then the next reason for wanting to participate in this book became more evident.

As I continued to write the next question is my story worth telling, is a story that I would like my daughters to read one day or not. Will I look back and wish I never said yes. I remembered the movie Titanic, not the storyline the love but the older Rose telling the story and her remembering meeting Jack falling in love the moments shared and this was my experience when I was writing as I was remembering the bittersweet moments of my life and sex encounters.

Now I am writing about the whole experience which is exciting, I am hoping that the stories I chose to write about would be a great read and it will open up more opportunities for me to write and maybe even get me to be motivated to write my own book “My so-called life”