Trust … When I trust you, you might trust me!

Everything in life is about relationships and therefore when we get the basics right in the relationship environment, we are able to duplicate and scale that into our leadership roles.


4413594329_6b06b9133d_oWhen we look at leadership across the world and start to analyse what is happening, invariably we will conclude that there is a ‘trust deficit’. This simply means there is a complete lack of trust between the so-called leaders and the so-called followers. I use the word ‘so-called’ because of the presumptuous environment that most of these leaders find themselves in. The presumption is normally that whoever is at the top of the hierarchy is the leader, and the rest are presumed to be followers.

The idea of the leader being at the top is not what makes the situation bad. What actually makes this situation bad, resulting in an absolute lack of trust, is that the leader has assumed a role of dictator as opposed to being a servant of the people. We are only really able to understand what the role of a leader is when we understand it…

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Bearing it all or NOT?


The day that I got asked to participate in a book about love and sex, my first reaction was excitement. I started writing not so long ago and it’s something that I really enjoy and passionate about.  This opportunity came at a right time for me to practice further, to tell my stories and my thoughts the best way I know how.

When the South African young writer, who wrote an erotic novel, traveled overseas to educate herself about the benefits of sexual liberation asks you if you would be keen to participate in her next book, after the excitement my quick response was yes yes yes before even getting the full details.

I waited for information in anticipation and the moment I received the questions I was like whoa. Let me let you in what I was asked to write about for this coffee table book

Questions and sub-questions as guidelines.

  1. Do you remember your first time? was it planned and romantic? was it for love/pressure from the guy or because your body wanted it? would you have waited or done it anyway?
  2. Tell me about the best sex you’ve had? was it emotional or physical? what makes it the best?
  3. Do you enjoy sex? will you have it out of relationships? is it a duty you feel obligated to for the sake of the relationship? Or a pleasure you enjoy and are entitled to?
  4. What is your connection between sex and love? is the act an extension of your emotions? have you or do you give sex in the hopes that love will grow? Or do you wait for love before having sex

Need I say more! The questions got me thinking but I followed my heart and my interest in writing and participating.

Big question do I bear it all or NOT??


Do I want to remember my first time, just as I started writing emotions came rushing in as if opened a grave that I even forgot that it existed,  the more I continued other people came to mind, I wondered if I tell my story is my story alone or theirs too?  To answer that I had to reach out to some people who knew me more than myself and they were the intimate part of my life sexually and otherwise.

This exercise opened up the sexual liberation that I never owned as my own but just as my love, life and sex and nothing more. Then the next reason for wanting to participate in this book became more evident.

As I continued to write the next question is my story worth telling, is a story that I would like my daughters to read one day or not. Will I look back and wish I never said yes. I remembered the movie Titanic, not the storyline the love but the older Rose telling the story and her remembering meeting Jack falling in love the moments shared and this was my experience when I was writing as I was remembering the bittersweet moments of my life and sex encounters.

Now I am writing about the whole experience which is exciting, I am hoping that the stories I chose to write about would be a great read and it will open up more opportunities for me to write and maybe even get me to be motivated to write my own book “My so-called life”



Life is too short

So many times, I have heard this phrase life to is too short. I have lost people in my life, but the loss of my brother has been the hardest. it’s been eleven years since he passed on. Over the years I have held him so close in my heart and never let him go. He was young had a lot more to live for.  All I can say is that he died too soon but for me, he is an angel I know by name.

The phrase “Life is too short” it’s like all the other saying that we throw around easily and until when something happens that it hits us so hard that we remember what the phrase really mean. People live for 10, 20, 30, 40 & 50 years but when they pass on it doesn’t  matter how long 30, 40 or 50 years is in days, months & years but when you dig deep to our daily interactions, then think about what “life is too short” means and realise how powerful that saying is.

People live for 10, 20, 30, 40 & 50 years but when they pass on it doesn’t matter how long they live in years, months, days & minutes but when you dig deep to our daily interactions, and think about what “life is too short” means realise how powerful that saying is.

It doesn’t matter how long, how many times we spend with someone and what we do and what conversations we have with someone anyone until the realisation of the impact of the relationship and the legacy that is being created in every encounter. I have never felt and understood the “life is too short” statement with my brother’s passing. I just realised that I never had that for him or for us, but that he was just gone too soon.

Now that I am older and wiser, I understand better the meaning of how short life can be, it’s is so simple yet so painful that life is short just from the moment of being alive and the moment you are pronounced dead nothing more and nothing less.

The wise old saying is used to make us realise that there is no time to waste, we make better choices or live a meaningful life etc. and for what?

There are a lot of quotes that share the same sentiments like the below.

“The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed”  


“Enjoy every moment you have. Because in life, there are no rewinds, only flashbacks”    

“There comes a time in your life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy”

…..But I wonder if we get and understand the concept of Life is too short, that it is ….we alive now and the next moment we will be dead. The in between doesn’t matter as nothing can be done by either the person who is alive or the one who is dead……


What matters most from that point is “Life goes on…………”

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What leaves are you dropping? 

The tree anology is very interesting in, lets say your soul is your roots that holds your being and it is hardly seen. The tree 🌲 is who you are from outside your beauty or not, what you offer and what you are as part of vegetation that can be you family, social life, professional life etc, what everyone can see and be exposed to.

The tree life cycle is similar to human life cycle, from conception the seed, to birth the sprout, to infancy which is seeding, to juvenile which is sapling to adult maturing, to elderly where life declines and finally to death, snag or rot. 

As you go through your cycle you develop grow, know yourself understand what makes you what builds you. I turned 40 two years ago and the past year made me realise so much about my self and what I believed in outside my self.  I looked at the tree and how no matter what happens all seasons winter, spring, summer and autumn the root stands never waivers. I believed everything else I was born but not my nature, who I am and why I am…Yes I am….

I want to adopt the tree life in all seasons,not fear what’s going on and what season is in my life and be able to bare branches, spring flowers, blossom and most importantly shed leaves, not to only focus on what surrounds me and make that my core.

This is my season to to shed leaves, let go of anything and everything that is not working for me, anything, everyone and everything I don’t need. Scary as this sound but its time. 

To all my leaves I carried in my life, heart, mind and soul letting you go might not be easy but it has to happen as the next season is coming and must happen and cannot be held back by holding on to you or you hanging on. 

To new leaves, I am looking forward to you and how you going spring flowers and let me blossom until your time comes to be shed. 

It’s a cycle of life and it’s beautiful in all seasons embrace it….

This is to my next 20 years the past 40 it’s done

Experiencing feelings

Some days are not better than the others, as some will choose to say….”some days are better than the others.  Some of my day are not better, The feelings of despairing, low drive ,overwhelming emotions of sadness, physically tired and  heavily drained.
I  am one of those people who are quick to avdise other, I feel like I know what to say, how to say it to the point that I feel motivated myself sometimes wonder how do I do it where does the knowing what to say to others comes from…definitely not doubting the gift of wisdom given by my creator. He helps all the time.

When these emotions take over my being and  my real disappear, I feel down and out and nothing or no one gets to me to pull me out of a not positive state of emotions.

I have been hurts, I am a broken being a lot has happened and still happened. I am true to my emotions and state on my own. I never allow myself to share my deepest darkest pain the way I feel but hide them in my empowered happy self.

Today I needed to tell someone I am hurting and I am in pain, I feel broken and I wonder if I will be able to come out of this state as its a space I don’t like and I normally can’t handle negative space. 

May I find peace within.

I want to braai..But it might rain…

Often we want to do things like any activity and we get the “but factor” which can be a reason or an excuse not to do what we really want to do.

The reason or the excuse makes us doubtful so much that, most of the time we end up not doing what we want to do, they seems to be very good, defining one and important enough that the activity #falls and the but factors #wins.

“I want to braai, but it might rain” This blog content came when I was having a conversation with beautiful soul friend of mine, she wanted to braai, and had said so for two or three days .This one day the feeling of the braai came as if it was more than the braai activity to me when we were talking, more than the hunger and the need for food but the fulfilling activity. The braai to her most of time for it is for her only, never about hosting as norm to others and to me too. I have never thought to braai for me alone as in yes for 1 person and she does. 

On that day I asked her how long does she think it will take for her to braai and when does she think it will rain? The penny dropped to me that the feeling of now or actioning something is accompanied by more than an activity but deep routed feelings. In my head I thought if you wanting braai why not just do it, if you have everything you need to do so, its not raining now and the big but was it might not that it will…the irony of a chance of it raining  or might rain and looking at the time between doing the activity that one wants to do that time. The time in between “but factor” (Factual, legitimate or not) is that we rob ourselves of our own personal fulfilling things and activity that we want to engage in we sometimes don’t tak time to explore all options and opportunities to just do exactly what we want to do at that exact time. 

I have in the past two years adopted positive motivation, when I think of the but, the reasons, excuses and to add laziness I know they have real power on their own. The positive motivation I developed was the attitude and power to fight the “but factors”

There are a lot of contributing factors to the but factors, my quick easy steps or calculation to deal with the but factors plus the power and energy to do so are quick questions to myself….

  • Do I want to do this?      
  • Will I be able to do it?                         
  • Do I have time, money etc to do or make a plan to do it?

If the answer is yes, then … I do it. 

If the answer is no, then I don’t do it.

I have learned to be ok to with wanting to do something  and know that I can’t do it, I make sure the reasons or excuse is good enough. I let it win because I have interrogated it or I really want the “but factor” to win…by choice…and if it rains I can say you see, I knew it was going rain in an hour and I needed three hours and I don’t feel like “dancing in the rain” because I can. I will have my braai moment as soon as the weather clears…if I still feel like it LOL……!

Give your self what you want from others first…

When you meet people, it gets so easy to immediately fall in to giving them yourself, servicing them and expect the same from them. I am using the term serving loosely in this case I am referring to instinctively performing duties or servicing another person, simple things like love, making time, offer help, offer advise the list is endless. This can be any type of a relationship.

It gets worse, when we talking a sexual relationship it doesn’t matter whether its a new relationship or marriage. I am going to generalise…, women tend to be the victims of giving themselves first to their partners,  by living for others more than for self…. as much as this is not a bad thing, but when it gets to a point where this becomes a problem where, you forget about yourself and do not matter much more than others and you give everyone else everything and not your self. The twist….


…..we give other so much that we end up not existing as individuals first but exist for others and the lines get blurred as you never know what to do for yourself, I am not talking basics things like bathing, getting dressed, feed yourself etc lol… but more loving yourself,  affording your self everything else, pamper, dine, afford your lifestyle designed by self and given, maintenance etc … Women do so much for others, and the personal struggle becomes more an issue when there is no one to do anything for, Or when the wish of being taken care of by others is foreign and non can do it quite like you. 

When I discovered self without others, I found a different voice within me and started loving myself more and became more mindful of self and then take care of others without neglecting myself. That was empowering, I have become even better for others, I am for them without expectations  and they cannot fail me because they can only do themselves be themselves for me. The understanding of others became much better and the appreciation of people for being themselves because I can easily be myself….with ease is bliss!

Give everything to yourself first…it’s not selfish!