I want to braai..But it might rain…

Often we want to do things like any activity and we get the “but factor” which can be a reason or an excuse not to do what we really want to do.

The reason or the excuse makes us doubtful so much that, most of the time we end up not doing what we want to do, they seems to be very good, defining one and important enough that the activity #falls and the but factors #wins.

“I want to braai, but it might rain” This blog content came when I was having a conversation with beautiful soul friend of mine, she wanted to braai, and had said so for two or three days .This one day the feeling of the braai came as if it was more than the braai activity to me when we were talking, more than the hunger and the need for food but the fulfilling activity. The braai to her most of time for it is for her only, never about hosting as norm to others and to me too. I have never thought to braai for me alone as in yes for 1 person and she does. 

On that day I asked her how long does she think it will take for her to braai and when does she think it will rain? The penny dropped to me that the feeling of now or actioning something is accompanied by more than an activity but deep routed feelings. In my head I thought if you wanting braai why not just do it, if you have everything you need to do so, its not raining now and the big but was it might not that it will…the irony of a chance of it raining  or might rain and looking at the time between doing the activity that one wants to do that time. The time in between “but factor” (Factual, legitimate or not) is that we rob ourselves of our own personal fulfilling things and activity that we want to engage in we sometimes don’t tak time to explore all options and opportunities to just do exactly what we want to do at that exact time. 

I have in the past two years adopted positive motivation, when I think of the but, the reasons, excuses and to add laziness I know they have real power on their own. The positive motivation I developed was the attitude and power to fight the “but factors”

There are a lot of contributing factors to the but factors, my quick easy steps or calculation to deal with the but factors plus the power and energy to do so are quick questions to myself….

  • Do I want to do this?      
  • Will I be able to do it?                         
  • Do I have time, money etc to do or make a plan to do it?

If the answer is yes, then … I do it. 

If the answer is no, then I don’t do it.

I have learned to be ok to with wanting to do something  and know that I can’t do it, I make sure the reasons or excuse is good enough. I let it win because I have interrogated it or I really want the “but factor” to win…by choice…and if it rains I can say you see, I knew it was going rain in an hour and I needed three hours and I don’t feel like “dancing in the rain” because I can. I will have my braai moment as soon as the weather clears…if I still feel like it LOL……!
PhumziledlaminiPhat.

Give your self what you want from others first…

When you meet people, it gets so easy to immediately fall in to giving them yourself, servicing them and expect the same from them. I am using the term serving loosely in this case I am referring to instinctively performing duties or servicing another person, simple things like love, making time, offer help, offer advise the list is endless. This can be any type of a relationship.

It gets worse, when we talking a sexual relationship it doesn’t matter whether its a new relationship or marriage. I am going to generalise…, women tend to be the victims of giving themselves first to their partners,  by living for others more than for self…. as much as this is not a bad thing, but when it gets to a point where this becomes a problem where, you forget about yourself and do not matter much more than others and you give everyone else everything and not your self. The twist….

give-yourself-qhat-you-wish

…..we give other so much that we end up not existing as individuals first but exist for others and the lines get blurred as you never know what to do for yourself, I am not talking basics things like bathing, getting dressed, feed yourself etc lol… but more loving yourself,  affording your self everything else, pamper, dine, afford your lifestyle designed by self and given, maintenance etc … Women do so much for others, and the personal struggle becomes more an issue when there is no one to do anything for, Or when the wish of being taken care of by others is foreign and non can do it quite like you. 

When I discovered self without others, I found a different voice within me and started loving myself more and became more mindful of self and then take care of others without neglecting myself. That was empowering, I have become even better for others, I am for them without expectations  and they cannot fail me because they can only do themselves be themselves for me. The understanding of others became much better and the appreciation of people for being themselves because I can easily be myself….with ease is bliss!

Give everything to yourself first…it’s not selfish!

PhumzileDlaminiPhat.