Research suggests that 85% of us are naturally far kinder to others than we are to ourselves.

Many of us are actually quite hard on ourselves. We think we need to be this way in order to be motivated, to be our best, or perhaps because it’s what we believe we deserve.

There is a cost to this lack of self-kindness (stress, depression, anxiety, and a host of maladaptive and unhealthy coping strategies).

” David Spound’




The pressure teens feel to project an image of perfection via social media has given rise to a new trend. Should parents be worried?

Fake Instagram accounts, often referred to as “finstas” or “spam accounts,” have become the norm for many teens – but their reasoning for creating these is not a sinister as you think.

Teens use of social media is constantly shifting in new ways in response to social media platforms, the teen’s age and social context. Social media continues to be a significant aspect of adolescence, the right information and guidance will ensure that use is positive and healthy.

I have a 14 year old girl, I constantly try to have uncomfortable conversation with her and share general social context. She has Instagram account using a celebrity profile picture, I asked to follow her with her permission “innocence” to gain her trust I believe being honest with her, I will get the same back. I want to know why the account and understand her reasons to and a need for many followers.

She has more followers than me”

Now my job is to know more and guide her instead of telling her or trying too hard in getting her out of social media. I rather know which accounts she has than her having hidden accounts behind my back.

She is on Instagram only currently ☃️ and we follow each other. I have discovered a new term to negotiate with her. Staying away to from anything that is “Not age appropriate” we agreed on age restriction, anything with age restriction of 16 years and above she must make a conscious decision to respect herself, protect herself and choose to be a child and enjoy being a child.




As humans, when we cannot see the end or control the events, we immediately assume that something horrible, painful and tragic will befall us. Lack of vision and control are sure to trigger the drama response.

In other situations, when something we do not want nor like or have not planned for presents itself as a life experience, we reach out for the support and input of others. Unfortunately, we often lure them into our experience by embellishing the worst parts of the story and refusing to entertain anything other than what we believe is happening, can happen or will happen to cause more dramatic suffering

Written by Iyanla Read more



1. Paint her nails. Then let her scratch it off and dirty them up. Teach her to care about her appearance, and then quickly remind her that living and having fun is most important.
2. Let her put on your makeup, even if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her experiment in her attempts to be likeyou…then let her be herself.
3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or she may want
to hop on the back of a motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveller. She may fall in love with the wrong boy, or meet Mr. Right at age

4. Try to remember that you were her age once.

5. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own.

From a mother with daughters and the one and only daughter to my mom.




Music, as they say, is the universal language, I like how every time I listen to music there are songs that easily speak for my heart, my mind, and soul. There were days I wouldn’t know how was I feeling, it will be difficult to answer a simple question like “how are you feeling?

It bothered me and then I started a habit of going through my feelings, I would search my heart and soul try to put into words how am feeling every moment I get a chance.

The common answers I would give when I am asked would be…I am fine, I am ok, I am just, I am so-so…even though I didn’t know how being just and so-so feels, I would use such words and the fact that it would bother me that what does ok mean to me, or just or fine worse so-so.

Then the amazing experience was one day when I tuned into the radio this song played and I liked it and like any other song it grew on me and became that favorite song. I started noticing that the song played coincidentally every time I get into my car, be it morning when I am traveling to work when switching on to the radio at work, afternoon when I left the office. I took a take note of this song first and I would Shazamed it and read the lyrics, The song never left me it became that song that I start my day with and end the day with.

The song met me, force me to notice and feel, I engaged with it as it played, started having fun with and one day I understood that it explained how I felt and how I am.

‘We became the Song and me”

I found love for me
Darling just dive right in
And follow my lead
Well I found a girl beautiful and sweet
I never knew you were the someone waiting for me
‘Cause we were just kids when we fell in love
Not knowing what it was
I will not give you up this time
But darling, just kiss me slowly, your heart is all I own
And in your eyes, you’re holding mine
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight
Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I’ll share her home
I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets
To carry love, to carry children of our own
We are still kids, but we’re so in love
Fighting against all odds
I know we’ll be alright this time
Darling, just hold my hand
Be my girl, I’ll be your man
I see my future in your eyes
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful
I don’t deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
I have faith in what I see
Now I know I have met an angel in person
And she looks perfect
I don’t deserve this
You look perfect tonight
Ed Sheeran
“The Song and me”

The more I sang this song the more, I knew how I felt about myself how I have grown to be my newly found love, The song became my state of my mind and my state of being. I started waking up so much in love, I saw my perfect life partner in myself, my all the one person who completes me.

The love grew every day and I was able to easily respond to that one question, how are you feeling? Loved, beautiful, happy, perfect……

The Song helped me to realised that I found love for me, a girl beautiful and sweet, I never knew I was waiting for me and not knowing what it was that I was waiting for, longing for and looking for and it was just “SELF LOVE” and I found it and it’s PERFECT.



The daily post: Photo challenge

Reflection of self

Photo cred: Jade Zwane’s project #Bare

In life we go by our daily lives, and rarely take the time to look at ourselves in our eyes.

We look at our selves in our parents eyes, which is their hopes for us dreams and everything they wish for us. We look at ourselves in the eyes of our family and friends, which are their views of us, judgements they make, assumptions they make because of situations, emotions, and the idea of that you present as you go and figure yourself out.

We look at ourselves in the eyes of our work, profession, aspirations and everything we want to represent in that world.

Until you take a picture that forces you to be naked, and take naked photos that makes you look at yourself in your own eyes, that reflects who you are inside out.

Participation in a photoshoot that requires you to be yourself, be naked and comfortable with everything that you are.

This photo I chose everytime I look at it I see me the person that I am, confident, happy, dertimined, hopeful, fearless and see my being that I can try to describe over and over again a soulful person that I don’t see daily, feel daily as the person that becomes everything else that one wears everyday.

The Daily Post


#photo challenge

#weekly photo challenge




I wish you ENOUGH…



Spread the love all around you.

I believe life’s greatest happiness is found in good relationships. Likewise, life’s deepest hurt is found in bad or broken relationships. Married or single, young or old, every human has two things in common: relationships and the emotional need to feel loved. When the latter is met, the quality of the former increases significantly.

People can learn the skills that lead to loving and being loved well.

You may be surprised that when something is done with a positive and caring heart, a chore can turn into a labor of love.

From the author of the 5 languages of love.

He shared the below:


For a sibling: Draw out the untapped potential of a sibling this week. You know them better than most, so take some time to encourage him or her to continue growing in their skills and gifts!


For your parents: Do meal prep for your parents to store in their fridge/freezer for when life gets busy. Leave a note on each meal reminding them how thankful you are for the countless meals they have made for you.


For anyone: Getting mail is always fun! Think of someone who could use a little extra encouragement this week, and send them a small gift by mail. They will appreciate the gesture AND the treat.


For a long distance relationship: Read a book to each other over the phone and discuss it together, like a very small book club! It’s great to share meaningful things together as much as you can.


For a loved one: Make a goal to give two backrubs this week to your loved ones who might be extra stressed or worried this week.

Show some love to anyone around you and not expect anything in return.



Insipered by young black woman’s success.

via Free Speech is not a Privilege: Mandisa Khanyile


Listening with the intention to hear…!

Have you ever had someone say to you, “I just feel like you’re not listening to me when I talk”? Quality conversation requires active listening. If we are not actively listening to others, our responses will make it clear to them that we didn’t fully engage what they were saying. This can be frustrating and often discourages them from opening up in the future.

If you value others and want to listen more effectively when they speak, here are a few suggestions:

  • Maintain eye contact. This keeps your mind from wandering and communicates to others that they have your full attention.
  • Drop other activities while the other person is talking.Although it’s possible to watch TV or check your phone while listening to another, the message they receive when your attention is diverted is, “I’m not very important to you.”
  • Listen for feelings and reflect what you hear. By repeating back what you think you are hearing, you tell others you are listening. Plus, this gives them the opportunity to clarify their feelings or desires.
  • Observe body language.Clenched fists, trembling hands, or tears can help you gauge the strength of feeling behind the other person’s words. The stronger the feeling, the more important your undivided attention becomes.

When you find yourself in conversations today, notice how you listen to others. If you find you are not listing as actively as you could, try some of these steps, and watch to see if your conversations become more life-giving to others


“From the author of the 5 languages of love”