Ikwekwezi FM: 19 February
What does the status or social/financial standing have to do with love relationships?
Back in the days, the social standing was that a man’s role is to provide for the family and women’s role is to take care of the family and do wifely duties. How far we have come now? 50/50 became a new normal. Then financial power shifted when women got empowered, educated and taking more financial responsibilities.
The subject of money is like everything else in your relationship: it all comes down to communication. Money actually does matter in every relationship, whether you want it to or not. It really does not matter if one marries someone who earns less or more than the other. Some women do mind “it is ok” some don’t as there are non-financial ways to support each other.
Here are six reasons why money actually matters in a relationship in general:
- Relationships now should be equal- and you need to decide what that means for you. Relationships should always be equal, and that means different things to different people. Some people think “equal” means a total 50/50 split in finances, but often that’s not always possible or realistic for a couple. Knowing exactly what both partners are expected to contribute to a relationship is important to clarify, so no one ends up feeling exploited or out of their depth.
- You don’t want to unexpectedly need to support someone. Knowing how much money your partner makes/has is important. It just is. It’s more than fine to support your partner in trying times and have them do the same for you, but you don’t want to wake up one day to someone simply expecting you to carry them.
- You might also have to be prepared to unexpectedly support someone. Things happen people lose jobs, bills needs to be paid you will learn that relationships are a financial partnership as much as they are also a romantic, spiritual and emotional partnership. You need to understand that when it comes to money, if you’re in a serious relationship, you’re in it together.
- You need to have similar financial priorities. You need to make sure that you are both capable of being reasonable, respectful and communicative when it comes to everyday spending, and that you share the same goals when it comes to spending and saving in general.
- Planning a financial future together is important if you want to get live together/ get married/ have kids. A stable relationship often involves planning a future, whatever that looks like, money is important because where you spend it is going to dictate how you live, and how you achieve your goals together.
- It’s too easy to fight about money. If you don’t pay proper attention to the way money functions within your relationship, it can be destructive. If you don’t communicate and have open communication about your finances, you can very quickly find yourselves fighting about how the other spends money. You use money every day. Money affects everything from where you live to what you have for breakfast. Of course, it’s going to affect the way two people who are sharing their lives, to whatever degree, live with one another. It’s important to pay attention to it and to make sure that you’re clear enough in your financial discussions that it doesn’t sneak up and cause unnecessary friction.
Phumzile Phatedi @phumziledlaminiphat
Baby mama drama refers to the drama caused by the mother of your man’s child (or children).
Here are few tips for negotiating baby mama drama.
(And while you are reading them- remember, you can only change YOU. I’m sure she’s practically evil, but you can’t change her and neither can he. But, you can improve your whole life and relationship by learning how to deal with her in the best way possible. That means changing you.)
- Jealousy is a normal emotion. This other woman was a big part of his life and shares the most important little people in his life as well. She likely loved him (and maybe still does). If you can step into her shoes for a moment, you can imagine that she had a dream that they would be together forever. Clearly, it didn’t work out and he wants to be with you. It’s not a far step to understand how she may see you as the person who is keeping her from her dream- even if she tells herself and others that she is over him. Both of you will have feelings of jealousy. Instead of trying to deny or suppress them, just acknowledge them. Try to respond and not react, by asking yourself, is this response a result of my jealousy or am I really responding appropriately based on what is good for the whole family?
- You and the other woman must have your own relationship. Recognize that your man is pulled into between 2 women and this is a difficult place for anyone to be. If she is constantly complaining, criticizing or even worse, attacking you and your position, you only exacerbate the situation by going and “telling” on her to your partner. Focus on developing a relationship with the mother separate from the relationship with him- even if it isn’t the smoothest one. Approach her and let her know that you are not trying to take over her position. Tell her you recognise that she is the mother first and foremost. Sometimes the other woman just needs to feel acknowledged and reassured that you are not trying to take her place. And by the way, always approach her in a cool, calm manner. If she knows she can get under your skin, she has gained power and will do it time and time again. If all else fails, do let him step in, but if you can’t handle it on the regular and you’re constantly bringing him into an issue between the two of you, you are asking him to choose and you are jeopardizing your relationship.
- Mutual Respect. In the best case scenario, you three would all co-parent beautifully with a united front, but that’s a fantasy, not reality. For sanity’s sake, you have to work with what you have. Respecting her rules can be difficult when they are directly against your own. The good news is that kids actually do just fine when there are two sets of rules AS LONG as both sets are clearly stated and respected. It’s only when one parent demeans or disrespects the other’s rules that they get confused. Don’t be that person.
- Know Your Role. His children don’t need another mother. It can be easy to try to slip into that role, especially if you don’t have children of your own. Don’t. You should be a friend- and not a best friend either. You deserve a place of respect as the woman that their father has chosen in his life, but becoming too BFF will cause just as many problems as having a bad relationship with them will. A good, solid relationship is what you want to strive for. Try connecting with them around their area of interests. If they disclose secrets to you, make it clear that you will not be a secret holder and encourage them to tell one or both of their parents.
- Your Feelings Are Valid Too. When you have done everything you can do and approached the situation in a mature manner and your boundaries are constantly being overlooked, bring this issue to your partner. You deserve to be respected in this relationship. Don’t expect HER to respect you. Expect HIM to. If your needs or desires are constantly being put on the back burner to appease her, then your man may not be ready to put you first and respect this relationship. This is a hard pill to swallow, but it might not be the relationship for you. Respect her and her place in his life. She’s not going anywhere, but don’t allow yourself to play second fiddle.
Baby mama drama will exist in some form, as it always has, for the rest of time. It doesn’t have to ruin your relationship if you take the high road. Respect her and demand respect (from him) in return and you are well on your way to making it work.
Phumzile Phatedi @phumziledlaminiphat
I had an opportunity to share my views on this topic “STARTING A NEW FAMILY AFTER GETTING MARRIED” at Ikwekwezi FM. I touched on a few things. Here is more to share.Hear it from the girl next door
- When you plan to get married first think about your reasons for taking the next step and make a comprehensive list, it will help you identify what matters the most.
- Be intentional about being in it for life
- Commit to the small things while still courting
- Plan and discuss personal life, spiritual, financial, family, career, relationship, romantic and social visions.
- Plan and discuss your couples life, spiritual, financial, family, career, relationship, romantic and social visions. Then match the visions and goals
Challenges you will definitely meet in your marriage
- Life challenges
- Personal issues, baggage (known or unknown)
- Social issues
- Faith and beliefs
- Financial challenges
- Family (In-Laws)
- Marriage counseling (Church & Professional)
- Know self before trying to learn and understand someone else
- Create a safe, trusted and a loving environment in your home to be able to have good and bad fights
- Secure each other and allow vulnerabilities
- Plan for everything
Easier said than done but doing it its more worth it and full-filing
Articles worth reading: https://hopkinsim.com/marriage-and-starting-a-family
Ikwekwezi FM interview preview https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2098258030260429&id=100002287574955
To the pregnant 🐣women on social media posting constant updates and belly pictures… I love seeing how excited you are to become a mommy.❤
To the person who posts their whereabouts, new gadgets💻, thanks for showing how blessed you are. This will set as a reminder for us to work and strive to achieve our goals.👍🏼
To the 👧💁women posting selfies…thanks for letting young girls know that it’s okay to love yourself and to feel beautiful!💜
To the mom posting a million pictures of her👧👦 👶 kids… it makes my heart so happy to see parents so proud of and loving their babies!💚👫👬👭
To the 💍👰💏 married couple constantly posting happy love posts….thank you for being a reminder to the next generation that all hope isn’t lost and happy marriages most definitely DO exist.💋
To the business owners who constantly post about their businesses… keep going! Your 💪 strong will and passion for what you do is astounding! Even in the midst of all the negative remarks, you keep on going for yourself and your family!💎
To the person posting about their fitness journey and how they decided to change their lifestyle for health reasons or just to look or feel better about themselves… I love seeing your progress pictures, your healthy meals 🍎, gym check ins💪… I especially love seeing your before and after pictures!!👦👧
To the stay at home mom posting about being able to cook and or bake 🍜u seeing how you manage👏 being a hard working mom. 👪👫
Let’s stop being annoyed by everything and start lifting each other up! 😘 🙌❤🙌
If you feel the world would be a better place if everyone would think this way Copy & Paste.
The Heart has been broken, sometimes, in the past. Broken, because it trusted. Broken, because we were dearmoured. Broken, because it was beautiful. Because it felt good.
And then something turned out the wrong way. Someone said something and another type of dance -a dance made of fire and darker stones- begun. Love was the same face, but it seemed that its song has changed. The light went away, a melody withered.
The heart thought I’m entering a long night.
And so we lost hope. And so we started to blame because, how could love be that in & out while having the same name. How could things show so many different facets, different notes. And, why was it us? Why were we the fool?
We said never again. We said, never will I trust that much. Never will I go that far. Never will I surrender my armour in that way, that beautifully, with such openness.
Never will I offer skin, heart, and words, to places that ultimately didn’t receive the scent. But for people like us, that road, often. The road of closing the heart. Is more like a moment. A temporary refuge, a shelter for thinkers.
Because it always ends up happening. It just reopens. We start to see things differently, to see where we ourselves failed. We start to understand, to forgive even. And sometimes, we start to love even more because we have traveled such a path for two, already, and everybody seems to be alive after the fire.
It just comes back. Love, as energy. With or without our participation, our will.
Not because we are the fool. Not because we are not aware, weak or inconsistent. Not because we are fallible, innocent or fragile.
No, it comes back because that is who we are. It comes back because, for people like us, Love is just something that we came here to do.
Something that we can’t truly repress, in truth. Something that we came here to live, to embrace, to discover, to go through.
It comes back because, we’ve understood that love is like life, a thing of different facets. That love is like the sea, the Sun and the Moon.
That it cycles, that it moves, that it evolves. Yet without losing its essence, its unalterable force, it’s higher & divine reason to be.
We come back because, for some of us. Our path is Love.
We come back because we are of the Lover kind.
And because, Love is like the Moon, the Sun & the sea. Its force is of a different kind.
It’s stronger than fear.
Bigger than our shields.
Taller than our inner wars.
Content from The Twin Flame Journey
Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble in dread before them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not fail you or abandon you.”
DEUTERONOMY 31:6 AMP