Love, Sex & Goop…

Conversations with Phumzile #Thegirlnextdoor has taken a different turn, I have been enjoying conversations with different individuals and having beautiful Conversations with PhumzilePhat #Thegirlnextdoor YouTube conversations and I have not been writing.

I have given my self permission to fall in love again, being open to be in a meaning romantic relationship where I am committed to the romance in the relationship, starting with exploring basic things like communicating with love, acting with love engage in conversations that are growing that part of my relationship with my partner. I have been watching a lot of reality shows that speaks to couples going to retreats to fix some part of their relationships if not everything, I have been reading and searching new things that came out in some shows.

This is one of the most interesting peace of read that reminded me that I love learning and reading material that helps me be better or do better in my life in general. So I thought I must share this here.

Energetic Love

Energetic Love has the capability to transform our relationships. This stems from understanding that love is not simply a noun – a product of something we create, but also a verb. Love is an ongoing and evolving process. Energetic love is the act of loving (with energy). We energize our love by increasing our awareness of ourselves and our partners and through this insight, we are able to love more intentionally and authentically. Energetic love also implies that loving itself requires energy, which is true. Love is an active process and one that does require our body, mind and spirit. If we love without energy, it may not be as sustainable or meaningful.

How does one practice Energetic Love?

Balancing individual and interpersonal awareness with proactivity. Examine what is going on internally and externally in your relationship:

  • Consider your own understandings of love; think about this as your love template. How do you feel loved? If you have a partner, how do they make you feel loved? How do you express love to others or a partner? What ways does your partner feel love and express love? Gary Chapman’s book, Love Languages is an excellent resource for understanding how we “love” one another and receive love ourselves.
  • Fill in the blank. When we understand that our partner feels loved by _____ we can use this information as an opportunity to speak their language in the way that we act (using energy).
  • Embrace imperfection. We are human and cannot possibly do everything right all of the time, no matter how nice that would be. When we make mistakes such as forgetting an important date or to unload the dishwasher, it is important to acknowledge these moments and use them as learning opportunities. Consider saying to yourself or your partner, “I am not perfect, but I will try to ________ in the future”.
  • Forgiveness. We do not always show up in our relationship the way that we hope to and our partners do not always show up for us the way we hope they will. When these moments occur, embrace the disappointment, sadness or uncertainty that follows and direct your energy into a conversation on how to be more on target next time.

There is great wisdom that can come from our interpersonal awareness of how we love and experience love. When we are not getting something from our partners that we need in order to feel loved, we ought to communicate that in a benevolent way. When we are not loving our partner in the way that they need, we can use this information to channel our energy into more productive and meaningful loving.

Article from:

Happy Loving and Learning.

Conversations with Phumzile #Thegirlnextdoor

An Open Letter to my Daughter on her 10th Birthday

09 April 2021

My dearest girl, Thandolwakhe-Lubanzi

Today you are double digits. Two numbers instead of one. It is an important birthday – you have now been alive for a decade. And since the day you were born, my love for you has been like you name UThando oLubanzi oluJulile elinjengo lwandle, My love for you is infinite like my double infinity tattoo. My love doesn’t give up. It won’t stop. And it will constantly keep pushing you to live the best version of yourself.

I will never stop loving you.

Not when you break a dish, or disobey, or roll your eyes. I will always love you enough to teach you, discipline you, guide you. I will pull you into my arms and tell you how proud I am of you – even when you aren’t proud of yourself. These words are for YOU. I wanted you to have these words so, I am keeping them here in my blog, so you can find them in your scared moments as a reminder. I will never stop loving you. So on this tenth birthday, I have ten things I want you to remember. they are from my heart and want you to keep them deep in yours.

1. Get dirty.

As you get older, you’re going to love doing your hair, your make-up as you have started playing with mine (but when you’re finally allowed), your nails. But I don’t want you to forget how fun it is to run around get dirty, in any playground or our home yard. Play as hard as you can.

Do not be Girly girls who sit on the side and just watch everyone have fun, play start the games get everyone to play with you.

I want you to experience EVERY SINGLE opportunity. If anyone is going to like you, they should like you at your worst, not just at your best. So get dirty. And don’t be afraid to laugh while you do it.

2. Don’t be strong.

Society likes to tell us we have to be able to do things on our own. I want you to be your own person and become an individual, but I don’t want you to do it yourself. Never loose who you are even for me.

Your dad and I, your siblings, grandparents, and other adults will always be there should you need help. When all else is fails remember the only strength you need to have is God’s strength IN YOU.

3. Cover your body.

It’s hard when what’s in style is short shorts and skinny jeans. But your body is so special. God created you different than anyone else in this world.

You are beautiful.

And NO ONE deserves to see that body until they are willing to put a ring on your finger. So let’s not give anyone any previews. God treasures you, so I want you to treasure yourself. You can be stylish without uncovering that gift…if you know what I mean?

4. Choose your “five”.

I have always told you that you can’t please everyone – you only need to please God. But there are usually people in our lives who will always by you and who knows you for who you really are and who honestly care about and that you only care what they think of you. If their opinion doesn’t matter in your life they must not be part of the five people to have and choose.

Choose those five people.

Then, when someone says something hurtful, you think to yourself, “Are they in my five?” If they aren’t, don’t worry about it. Because what they said either isn’t true, or doesn’t matter. If they ARE in your five, it’s time to grow, learn and stretch – to become a better version of yourself. Listen to what they say. Don’t be hurt by it, let it make you better.

5. Play hard.

Don’t ever stop playing. I am will be over 45 in two days and I still play. you know how I roll. Please don’t just play – but really play hard.

Throw yourself in the moment.

Laugh until your tummy hurts.

Dive under the water as you always do with our without anyone.

Say yes every time you can. Try new things. Dance like there’s no tomorrow and sing at the top of your voice. Build castles in your mind, draw new lands, act out your biggest ideas. Dream big, grow your channel, let the world know you exist have fun with it. Play hard even when no one else wants to come out and play.

6. Don’t give up.

There are a lot of hard things when you are 10. School is hard. Chores are hard. Friends are hard. Getting told no is hard. Obeying is hard. Sometimes things are just hard.

But I don’t ever want you to give up.

Remember that part earlier about not having to be strong? We are here to help you. When you’re tempted to give up, take a deep, long breath. Step away from it for a minute. Ask for help. Do something nice for someone else to take your mind off of it. But don’t drop your shoulders and flop on the floor. That doesn’t help!! Set your mind to it and try again. Erase the the problem, think in a different way, and do it again. Run some laps. Make a new friend. Say, “Okay, Mom” and do the job, even if you don’t like it. Keep talking to me, sweet girl, don’t sulk.

7. Be last.

Everyone wants to be first. First in line, first prize, first to turn in their homework. And sometimes it’s great to get honored that way. But Jesus said whoever wants to be great in His kingdom should be last.

So when you’re at school and everyone is running to be first in liner, let others go before you. If someone is handing out snacks in the classroom, give your snack to someone else and wait to get yours. SLOW DOWN when you’re working on your homework and make sure you do your best work – don’t worry about being the first to turn it in. Think of others and put them before you. Because I already see SO MUCH of Jesus in you, I know you want to be more like him. And being last, being a servant, being kind…that is like Jesus.

8. Stop rocking in that chair.

I don’t remember who I was when I was 10. I I Just remember that I had big dreams, I don’t even remember what I was worried about then all I knew was I wanted to be the best but instead of focusing on the positives, I was worried about the negatives. Thinking I am not good enough.

There’s this saying that worrying is like a rocking chair. You can rock all you want, but it won’t get you anywhere. Jesus said almost the same thing – but in different words. When you feel worried, pray. Talk to God about it. Tell Him everything you’re feeling. Then trust. Trust that He will take care of it. Do your part, but let Him be in charge.

9. Use your weapons.

When you feel like giving up, feel discouraged, or even when you are happy, ALWAYS use your weapons. The Bible – and it is the best weapon of all. There are so many things you can learn from all the stories in the Bible. People who have gone through the SAME THINGS you are! And the stories show you the same thing over and over again: Jesus wins.

You are going to learn a lot through your struggles and difficult times. And I wish I could tell you that it’s going to be super easy. It isn’t. It’s going to be super tough. But you’ve got weapons – the Bible, prayer, a church community (Which ever one you choose for yourself)– that will get you though those times. I can tell you that those weapons have saved me and others over and over and over. That means you have to practice using those weapons – often. Every day. So pick up your sword and read it. Talk to God. Use those weapons.

10. Be like the trees.

When you go to school or on your way back, when you go with us anywhere look at the trees. See them reaching up to heaven? I think you have noticed that adults don’t do a good job of noticing those things. Practice noticing them now and maybe you’ll remember to notice when you grow up. Be like those trees and raise your hands in worship. Practice now and maybe you won’t worry what others think when you are older.

Unleash your worship in ways that tell the world who your God is.

You have been given many gifts from God. Use them. Don’t be ashamed of them. The trees aren’t ashamed to lift their branches. They aren’t even ashamed when their branches are bare and naked. They still reach high to Jesus. You will feel vulnerable sometimes, like no one cares, like people are against you, like everyone can see your faults. Be like the trees and worship. Because no one matters more in this world than Jesus.

You are so excited to grow up. And I love watching you grow. You are so beautiful and full of life. Sometimes I just watch you here at home doing the dishes (When I ask you too) I see lazing around watching your favorite YouTube channel, dancing, and sometimes recording your Tik Tok videos – and my heart just hurts inside my chest. Because I know someday you’ll be doing those things somewhere else at a different house – and it won’t be mine. Because you grow and go have your on space.

You will get there, baby, there is so much life in EVERY moment and I don’t want you to miss ANY OF IT!

So just take it a day, an hour, a minute at a time.

Let me hold your hand like I always want to in the car, and let’s just stop and appreciate that little moment.

Your hand has grown so much since it grabbed my finger when you were born. But no matter how big you get, I will always be your mom.

And I will always love you… …more than my job, more than anything else I do for myself.

I will always love you… …more than my house, my church, my friends, my family, I will choose and your siblings FIRST always .

I will always love you… …more than my anger, my sadness, my disappointment.

There is NOTHING you can do to lose my love for you. I choose you. But more importantly, He chooses you. And because of that, you can daily choose joy, living life each day as the BEST. DAY. EVER.

Love, Mom

Wounds Do Heal – Finale

My journey of healing.

This journey began a while ago, when I turned 40, a lot happened – mostly emotionally. I became in touch with my emotions, I couldn’t pretend to be happy anymore, all the issues that I had suppressed came gushing back and I somehow had no choice but to face everything head on.

My first encounter with self was when I decided to up and go to China and Beijing. The trip was for the MBA students at my Business school. I signed up without any doubts, took a loan, asked friends for some donations for pocket money and left with a group of people I have never met before, not a single classmate or anything. That experience was amazing, at no point did I try to fit in, and I didn’t have the need to be part of the group or to be liked and known by anyone. I discovered how reserved I could be. During projects I participated as an individual since I was not an MBA student. It was funny to see the group try to figure out, who I was and why I was there…. It didn’t bother me at all. I loved the version of self I met there. During excursions I did my own thing – sightseeing, shopping, dining out etc. I didn’t take pictures, selfies for show or memories. I got lost in the moment and in being that brave person I knew I was. So many past insecurities had clouded me and I had forgotten that I could be my own person who needed no validation. The healing process began as I left everything behind without guilt. My family, my kids, my husband, my friends and colleagues. I didn’t share much within that two weeks, I just became!!!!

When I came back, I started a new position at the same company. I let go of all I knew and did in the previous position, I removed myself completely and built new relationships, a new professional portfolio. I was lucky to be managed by somebody who gave me an opportunity to redefine myself professionally, and I did just that. I never looked back and never wished to be part of what I had done before. I never thought I could let go of things and of people, but I did. My attachments to people changed from a need of always wanting and needing to be needed to that of simple friendships. If we talk we did, if we didn’t, that was also fine. I learned and stopped creating outings and activities, time to be with people because I was lonely or feeling alone. I wanted to do them all for myself first.

Next, I did the most difficult thing, what I never thought I would do, I spoke about it but never thought I could actually do it. I romantically divorced my husband and opted to have a relationship with him that did not include romance whatsoever. A relationship in which we would stay together and co-parent our beautiful kids. It was rough. The next healing phase was to work on removing all expectations of the type of love, romance and marriage I had. I wanted to heal from jumping into marriage because we had a child just after high school. We never had a chance to define our marriage, to know what we wanted our relationship and marriage to be. We did very well, as outside ourselves we had a great relationship and marriage. We still are a wonderful blessed family. Better healed and spiritual individuals who understand physical relationship and soulful relationship.

The beauty of this moment is that our love for each other is godly solid. Somehow the higher power intervened as we lived together, we coexisted gracefully. It was not rosy but we respected each other’s space and peace, we dealt with our pain and loss quietly in each other’s presence.

Now our souls have opened up….. a story for another blog post.

I went to therapy for 8 months, I took all the time to unpack. I dug up everything I was scared to face. Things I never thought were issues, were big issues. Among them being that I grew up in boarding school, attended 4 high schools. This really hurt me so badly. I cried for friends I didn’t remember, a life that didn’t feel like mine. Issues with my parents, my siblings, my mom. I wanted a relationship with my mom that matched the version I had in my head and I refused to understand that she was not me. I hurt so much and badly because I thought she didn’t understand me. Through therapy I got to understand that she is just my mother with her own life, her own issues to deal with. She loves me dearly but owes me nothing, I learned that she was not born a mother she became one when she had me and that didn’t mean her life was only for me. I avoided fights and confrontations with anyone because I was scared not to be liked by my own family. In the process I hurt myself because I want people to be like me, relate like me…. I wanted khumbaya relationships, I knew how to create those. I finally let go of all the family and friends relationships I had, that I held on to because I wanted to belong to them more than belonging to myself – and stayed at home, my home. Those who stayed close did, those who made the effort to make time to be with me or invited me out, they stayed close and the years never passed without us seeing each other. I stopped visiting people and stayed home. I fasted, prayed, meditated and rediscovered myself. I stopped changing my plans for any and every one and I became important to me first… I was finally enough and I could give from the overflow of my cup and never from an empty cup, even the full cup became mine and my mines alone ….Self -full moments.

Self-fullness is a new term to me =, it means just as it sounds, keeping your energy levels full where they can thrive. A therapy tactic I learned was to write down three things you needed to feel emotionally well and these were not negotiable for achieving self-fullness.

Covid-19 found me ready to be comfortable with Level 5 without worrying about anything, anyone or any relationship and any image I had of myself, I was in the moment with self and those who chose me and of course the people I live with… My Peeps, the Phat…Edis.

Healing is a choice that you make for yourself, it’s not easy but it needs intention and work. I have healed from my past – anything and everything that was pain. I don’t operate from that space anymore. I love my past which begins “every yesterday” to my birth day, my experiences, my relationships, my friendships, my career journey, my faith, my spirituality and my religion. I adore everything I was, and cherish everything I AM. I entered a new space that carries no baggage no entitlement of relationships any category of relations. I am creating new experiences and memories of my so called life now, with me fully aware of what’s important to me and no one else. I now live to teach my kids to live with intentions any experiences that they choose. They must be fully present, and they must never measure their lives and experiences by other people’s standards including mine. They must set theirs with their core selves. I will be there fully guiding them, they are not mine but the creators’ first. Everyone else around them can offer opinions but the choice of being is theirs.

Scars remain but that’s all they are. Scars only carry the pain you attach to them, they are not painful. Physically scars are the easiest to make an example off, emotionally, mentally, seen or unseen, they do heal if you allow yourself to heal.

Cherish the days of your life.

Mental Health Awareness Month 1 to 31 October. The month of October has been declared Mental Health Awareness Month with the objective of not only educating the public about mental health but also to reduce the stigma and discrimination that people with mental illness are often subjected to. Mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse and job stress are common, affecting individuals, their families and co-workers, and the broader community. In addition, they have a direct impact on workplaces through increased absenteeism, reduced productivity, and increased costs. Very few South Africans seek treatment for their mental disorders. Mental illness can be treated at your nearest clinic, hospital or healthcare provider. I encourage everyone to get help or talk to someone and vent if you have to, it does makes a difference.

Conversation with Phumzile Phat ” The Girl next door”

By Phumzile Phat :Subscribe follow the blog…Namaste.

Editor: Anthonise Van der Lilly

Acknowledgments: I would like to express my sincere gratitude to my soul sisters Lerato Kotane and Pertunia Methula, for always be there for the first read and copy proofing, Thank you so much for the honest feedback, the love, support and encouragement. Love and light always.

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Wounds Do Heal:Part Two

Let the wound heal, close it open it when it’s necessary to do so!

Wounds-do-heal definitely and scars remain. The relationship I have with my wound…. It happened in June recap back ap back to Wounds Do Heal Part one

This wound has been nothing but an eye opener to own emotional wounds more than the physical wounds I ever had, I have scored my self lots of scars that I can write a chapter on each scar including the ones of giving birth and the self inflicted ones called tattoos.

Everyday since I got hurt and after the stitches were removed, I dedicated special time to clean it, carefully look at how it’s healing with my dedicated medical kit with everything you can think of. I started noticing when I was using different ointments how my wound will react to them all differently.

I saw this post from a friend who posted it on her whatsapp status, *Lerato* and we had a chat about it because I responded to her and said literally. As when I saw the drastic change and healing of the wound and it was scabbing I started touching it, scratching the scabs out and sometime I will not be aware that I am busy touching and scratching, I got attached. I would suddenly feel pain or bleed that would be a reminder that ouch that is a wound and I was hurt but now the pain will just resurface. I was happy with the healing until I started feeling unusual pains, mostly sharp, lightning strike type of pain, If I stand too long it will hurt and then bleed. Each time it will be different sometimes it will be just watery substance and I would say OK why are you crying today, sometimes yellow substance or just blood. I started paying attention as this wound was definitely having a serious conversation with me.

3 months down the line boom this excruciating pain that woke me up and I decided that’s it time I must consult and get professional help. Will spare you the details but….

What my wound was trying to say to me all this time and I was not listening ……

I am not healing, I am getting worse.

Get prescribed help for your heart, body, mind and soul.

The story is, we get hurt in relationships, with family and in life in general, we move on from how we got hurt and solely focus on the wound and scars. How fell is not important anymore and not so significant. We keep on touching and scratching the wound and we wonder why we never heal, we sometimes dig even deeper and cause serious infection and damage in our hearts, mind and soul to a point that we declare ourselves as broken, we hang on more to the pain than the thing that hurt us is the first place, that becomes a distant memory and talking about how we got hurt get reduced to an incident nje like ah I fell, ah he/she or it just happened like this, but when we talk about pain even if the intensity and variation of the pain has has changed we don’t change with it…we touch the wound, scratch it share the pain over and over to whoever cares to listen and continue to cause more damage in ourselves than ever before. Give birth to resentment and hatred.

I have learned that getting hurt happens, things do happen to us and we have no choice in the matter, but healing is definitely a choice and some of us choose NOT TO HEAL.

I choose to heal, I am stopping to keep on touching and scratching my wounds and scars, my heartache and pain.


In June, I planned lunch for my parents for their birthday in May, their birthdays are 2 days apart. I always try celebrate them using a day that doesn’t fall on either of their day. On their birthdays my norm has been to get them gifts go home and spend time with them, get a cake and treats that they both like.

This time I decided to host them at my house with my Kids. We created a dining experience orderd traditional food from a fine dining restaurant (Covid¬ 19 Lockdown joys) non alcoholic champagne table setting candles and everything that will make the lunch different and definitely special. My excitement and the kids was beyond our imagination, we waited patiently for them to arrive. When the moment arrived we ushered them to set up room like a bride and groom.

I was then called by a neighbour for some neighborhood discussion and I couldn’t wait to get to the lunch, we planned games, his and her story for the kids to get to know their grandparents stories of how they met, their courting days my birth etc..,when I was taking long my nephew came to get me as he was losing patience as well.

When we done with the neighbor, I just couldn’t wait to get the lunch table and I decided to race there with my nephew and that didn’t end well as I slipped and fell I got a deep cut that needed me to rush to the hospital very quickly, I did and got stitched. I came back to my parents and kids. The pain, the disappointment on their faces, questions and deliberations on why it happened how it happened was the order of the day. My nephew sobbing painfully blaming himself for the accident that he really had no control over. My mom struggling with seeing me hurt and the blood was overwhelming for her, my physical wound brought back emotional wounds of the past (My brother died in a car accident) somehow this just brought back that loss reminder to my mom and she could not hold back the tears which was a strangest for all of us and my kids have never seen her that emotional. My mom is toughest and a strongest woman we know so that surprised everyone. My dad sat there helpless, I could see so much worry and pain in his face and the fact that he is blind made it worse and him not seeing the serveity of the wound and the fact that he could not do anything to help me as this is one of his speciality, we call him DR Dlamini because he is that guy who has everything medically related, knowledge and this was going to be like the olden days where he would have taken care of me and the wound with water, manyazin and everything else he would have that will heal this wound fast. He just sat there quietly and just holding my hand.

Wounds do heal… In all this when I came back to focus on my own wound and the feeling of this ordeal, I was emotionally empty I couldn’t feel anything no pain of getting hurt, no disappointment of the lunch that didn’t go according to the plan and when I fell seeing the deep hole seeing my bone and blood gushing out, I felt nothing no physically pain whatsoever. I got the stitches and the pain again was nowhere not physically and not emotionally. I didn’t cry at all even for any reason ke nothing.

That is when it dawned that actually all wounds heal

I am normally a cry baby, I am a very sensitive person, the fact that the lunch didn’t go as I planned I would have cried my heart out let alone that I am going to have a scar for life with that wound. It dawned to me that the reason that I felt nothing emotionally and physically is because I have finally moved to the next level of my life where I have healed from all the emotional wounds of the past there is nothing in my soul that could trigger tears emotionally and that nothing bad happened I just fell, and we just didn’t get to have lunch on the set table as planned but everything else was there my parents, my kids and my nephew as planned they spent the day with us as invited which was perfect. Food was great. Physically the wound was bad but not painful I don’t know how but it was not, I guess my pain threshold is high…”Counting the numbers of the tattoo I have by now.

Actually my first tattoo was inspired by the passing of brother, I wanted to transfer the emotional pain to the physical, maybe that’s my coping mechanism as this has brought me where I am now.

Since the day I got hurt, I have been looking at how the wound has been transforming from the cut, the stitches and after the removal of stitches.. It was amazing my wound’s journey brought me to this blog.

My past emotional wounds have healed, I got hurt, I took care of wounds, paid attention to each and every issue that needed attention, I stopped blaming the incidents, people and focused on what happened that it happened. I then Dr.ered the wounds medicated emotionally and spiritually, asked for help and confronted them…seeing my physical wound healing nicely opened the eyes of my soul and saw how far I have I come and that……Wounds do heal.

Phumzile Phat

Called to LOVE 💕 💕

We’ll never completely agree with another person on everything. Not even our spouse or best friend. Of the nearly eight billion people in the world right now, there’s not a single person like you. That means there won’t be anyone with your exact viewpoint on life, politics, money, relationships, or religion. You are uniquely you, and the person next to you is, too.

Even though we’re all different, we can still love others. Why is it important to love people when we clearly don’t see eye to eye with? Because Jesus said so. He said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34 NIV). When Jesus commanded us to love others, He didn’t say that we had to agree with them first. So, what does love look like? 

Love considers others first.
Love looks for the best.
Love shows respect. 
Love seeks unity.
Love isn’t selfish. 
Love offers the best.
Love displays patience.

Loving others involves pain. Love means giving of yourself. Love means putting your heart out for someone to potentially wound. Love means being selfless and thinking about the needs of others before we think of our own. We’ll never love someone without discomfort accompanying it. It isn’t easy and is sometimes unnatural, but loving others is something we’re called to do as followers of Jesus. Even people we don’t agree with. Especially people we don’t agree with. 

There will always be things we have to “agree to disagree on.” It could be the way we do our finances—some of us choose to live debt free, others don’t. It could be when we decide to start or end our day—some of us are early to bed, while others stay up late. Or it could be more serious differences that concern politics, social issues, or current events. Loving others while disagreeing with them at the same time is possible.

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COVIVI Diaries: A kasi flavour

By Duduzile Gumede.

Duduzile Africa Gumede

I lost count of the days since the lock-down has started, but I felt, ugh mxm, that’s not important – what is important is that we have Corona virus among us and it’s messing up our lives.
We miss those jokes and points of orders from members of Parliament – indeed the comedy scenes became part of our lives – thanks to the Red Berets brigade, the EFF for injecting life into the dull Parley debates. Seriously, just thought of writing a Lock-down diary lite –just to let you get the sound of alcohol since this lock-down left our palates literally high and dry(on that side) . It feels like a year, yes a year since we were separated from our beer and cigarette. S’trus’ Bob, before the lock-down there were those who swore that they would rather separate from their partners, compared to their love for taverns and pubs. You would hear people expressing how they would rather drink beer than being in relationships. Who are you with now? Where is your number 1, the alcohol? Lol …It’s hard, your Castle Lite is gone and you have been cheating with Pineapple Lite. It’s tough!

It’s hard indeed, we even got lessons on how to roll and seal a zol. This reminded me of Brown Dash’s song, “Puff n Pass”. May his soul rest in peace ‘ Imnandi nge ndebey’ ningi lento’ hey puff and pass.
It just made me miss my gogo from eSwatini because local is nie lekker anymore. We might need both the ancestors to boost our immune systems, even the economy, “sihlabele amadlozi”. Teabags cigarette has become a choice for many. Just thinking which one is stronger Joko or Rooibos teas…nicotine or no nicotine, it’s our new daily smoke that Dr Nkosazana wants us to puff. Another joke doing the rounds but not sure whether they succeeded is that taxi drivers were to get the relief from the UIF. Questions is, have they been paying tax konje or only paying the queue marshall instead? – I’m wondering to myself! Guys put your money where your mouth is, askhokhe bo! Then claim what we paid. It is a tough lesson learnt if they didn’t get that Zaga. And I promise myself that after lockdown, roads will lead me to Giyani. I’m taking a taxi to see Bugs favourite place, Dzingi Dzingi and hashtag it #MyTraveltoDzingidzingi. Singing and dancing with my head all the way to the north. Perhaps, that’s just a joke. Lol.

Have you seen the queues lately? – No social distancing whatsoever. This other time I decided to visit Shoprite to get some grocery lite. It is the only place we are allowed to visit, even when you don’t feel like going you just go ukuyobethwa wumoya nje. I stood behind an old Gezer and he started with small talks and I just thought it’s okay as I had my mask on moss. He chatted about u-Corona and I thought it’s our new normal let me just talk no Tata. Then I saw mouth droplets coming from his direction…hey, it was hard thinking of pulling some Matrix moves because the droplets just jumped quickly from his mouth straight onto my face. There was no chance to duck and dive, quick moves were nothing to the flying saliva. But thank God I had my mask on and got sanitised by the door as I walked in. Hheeeeuuww…I survived the droplets!

Schools are reopening soon, teachers and principals are supposed to be back, but unions are crying foul. A friend of mine is waiting for Jet and Pep stores back-to-school adverts. We’re not sure whether Gogo Motshekga is joking about the reopening or reality. She fancies pulling jokes on us. She said kids are playing outside already, asking myself “where should they play, vele?” First joke from her was that they going to open only for top or certain staff members so that they can receive PPE’s.

I’m not sure if all the schools have received PPE’s. We are all in this together, we have a faith of Noah, we are all in the same boat now. If grades 7’s and 12’s are send back to school, I wonder if they will catch the bus or bug. Or if they will be able to catch it at all. Are they going to return strong in the afternoon? It’s hilarious! That’s a favourite word I borrowed from my ‘model C school groomed’ friend. Hillarious! Hilarious! To my brother who will be getting R350 grant ngine Kwaal it’s your turn to buy groceries nam’ ngithole I relief.

I think the issue of whether alcohol should be sold or not …ai it’s none my business, I am not a shebeen queen. What I know is “abangani bami ba nxaniwe”. Using my Christian lenses it won’t help. I would rather sing Lira’s song “Noma ungahamba ngeke ngilile” I have been taking tobacco tea lite since the lock-down period commenced many moons ago. Everything is just a joke to me. Ha ha ha

In the moment: Conversation with self…

“When you connect to the silence within you, that is when you can make sense of the disturbance going on around you.”

Michael Jordan Quote: “Live the moment for the moment.” (12 ...

The love of writing my thoughts is growing, and now with the current situation the world is facing with COVID-19, we are home and supposed to stay put until we safe to go back to our normal lives as we know it. I am waiting patiently like everyone else here, The first 21 days was okay as in the past in my spiritual journey I managed to go through 21 days of fasting and 30 days strictly dry fast so, I associated the first 21 days with that taking time off from everything for a greater good.

This time found me in a space where I was learning to spend time with myself to understand myself more, building a stronger relationship with God, my spirituality, and the universe in general. Consciously living the life of manifesting every thought, every action, and my being co-creating life and tapping into factory setting. This moment I am using it to clean up the feelings longing for anything outside of everything I have, I made a list of general things I have and in my control, like the house with everything I need to be comfortably locked-down, and discarded what I don’t have and consciously made peace with everything, for example, a proper working space that will be ideal for working and studying from home, and somehow I was able to create a beautiful working and study spaces with everything I have. One area in my bedroom and the other outside the house, then I went on to empty every need and longing emotionally and mentally that could make me worry or be anxious for anything, factory setting: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6.

I looked at the people in the house and the relationship I have with each of them, I emptied expectations of each of them, how we will co exit without getting frustrated by not being able to be anywhere else but here 247, how together we will have a natural way of living keeping the house clean dealing with boredom or not, individual plan of work, school, and home activities. Family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances I appreciated the fact that I can always reach anyone digitally when I need to, so there is no loss or any need to worry about anyone and anything there. I shut down the noise that would prevent me from being in the moment and be here with only the people I am with now. I discovered the bliss of being in this time without needing, wanting, chasing anything, not chasing dreams not fighting for love, for romance, or friendship, not looking for acceptance from anyone, not proving worth or belonging, not worrying about looks, beauty, hair, nails clothes, weight gain or loss nothing just be.

I discovered that I still love cooking to impress, make food like a chef, and set the table for us to eat together, converse about everything and anything or be quiet in the presence of each other without wonder. Finishing books that I started and never finished, I revisited the blogs, the book that I have been writing since forever, I enjoyed and still enjoying calls and WhatsApp messages and videos that are meaningful not status responses, of lols, eish, true, and emojis, etc but intentional conversations of checking in and conversations. The peace is amazing, no pressure to visit anyone, to invite anyone, or be invited to anything, no pressure to go anywhere.

More beautiful moments just started happening, moments that I have actually longed for, the type of family life and activities that I wanted, planned but they never happened because of clutter and ideas of what type of family life I wanted instead of living the family life that is. I will like to continue to remain in this natural state, no concept of living in a certain way, but just be, empty all, no pretense, no desires, live in the life with no fear of the unknown, what is not known doesn’t exist.

You can have a spiritual awakening and discover a new side of you at any age. And best of all, love can happen at any age. Life can just start to get exciting when you’re in your 40s and 50s. I am in my mid-40s and towards my 50s, I have discovered so many new sides to me and I am looking forward to more.




..and people stayed home

And the people stayed home.
And read books and listened, and rested and exercised,
and made art and played games,
and learned new ways of being and were still.
And listened more deeply.
Some meditated, some prayed, some danced.
Some met their shadows.
And the people began to think differently.

And the people healed.
And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless and heartless ways the earth began to heal.

And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again,
they grieved their losses, and made new choices,
and dreamed new images,
and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully,
as they had been healed.

– Written by Kitty O’Meara,

Phumzile Phat: Catalyst for healing conversations and content